Identity
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A recent post addressed the limiting consequences of most self-descriptions. The challenge goes deeper than simply excising self-descriptive labels from your vocabulary.
Anything that follows the words “I am…” is potentially very limiting because I am is both defining and confining. Saying I am declares, to yourself as well as others, your identity. When you hear yourself say, “I am something” often enough, you internalize that condition. You think of and act in accord with how you’ve defined yourself.
Most people say “I am” in conjunction with three domains of their life: Occupation, Emotion, and Self-identification.I am is both
defining and confining.
OCCUPATION. It’s become a staple of too many cop shows and movies to hear a police officer, usually while facing frustration on the job, declare: “Being a cop isn’t what I do, it’s who I am!”
You are not your job. Your livelihood shouldn’t define your personhood.
Here are some better ways to describe how you make your living without tying your identity to your paycheck:
- I work as…
- My job is…
- I earn my living by…
- I work for [Organization], as a [Job Title]
- My occupation is…
- I run / manage / work in a company that…
What’s key in all these examples is the very important shift in your language from I am — which equates with your identity, to I do — which describes an activity, and doesn’t necessarily define you.
But what if you are a highly educated professional, a physician, lawyer, accountant, or the like. Yes, it’s very tempting to self-describe yourself in terms of your profession. I am an engineer. I am a historian. I am a pharmacist.
But that’s still very limiting. After all, in today’s world, even for highly educated, specialized professionals, employment is tentative. And, no matter how much you like what you do for your livelihood, your career can’t begin to describe you — at least, let’s hope not! And if it does, well, then you really need to heed this message.
Open up your perspective with a slight but important shift in language.What’s the alternative to describing yourself with your professional designation? Try saying, “I have a certificate/license/degree/doctorate in … [your field of expertise].” Or, “As a registered nurse, I work at XYZ health facility.”
By making this subtle but very powerful shift in your language, you open up tremendous opportunities in how you think of yourself — and the permission you give yourself to think, feel and act beyond your professional designation.
EMOTION. Just as following the words, I am with a professional description is unnecessarily limiting, using I am before describing your emotional state also confines you. When you say, “I am angry,” you are in essence equating your state of being with one emotion. Saying, “I am frustrated / angry / upset” restricts you. Your self-description converts all the multi-faceted complexity of you and reduces it to one narrow, highly limited description.
Rather than reducing the whole of yourself to one emotion, open up your perspective with a slight but important shift in language. Don’t say, “I am furious!” Say, instead, “I am feeling frustration with this situation.” Or, “Right now, I am feeling…” Or, “I am experiencing [whatever emotion you feel].”
This allows you to acknowledge and express your feelings, but you retain your sovereignty over your emotions. You experience them but are not defined by them.
SELF-IDENTIFICATION. Another way we unnecessarily limit ourselves is by our self-descriptions following “I am…” For example, “I am a conservative / a people-person / a numbers guy / a hunter / a numbers guy / a Mac user.” Or, “I am Black, Italian, Presbyterian.”
You are always more than your inclinations and affiliations. Even the groups you are proud to be a part of, do not, cannot, define you.
HEven the groups you are proud to be a part of, do not, cannot, define you.ere are some alternative ways to express these various dimensions of your life:
- I tend to favor a conservative agenda.
- I enjoy hunting.
- I have long preferred the Macintosh operating system.
- My heritage is Italian.
- My faith is Presbyterian.
By describing the various dimensions of your life without equating them to your very being, you more accurately represent the many facets of your life. All of the things that you think, feel and do help to characterize who you are. But none of them defines you.
Use your language more carefully, and you will find yourself with fewer limits and greater possibilities in your life.
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December 20th, 2005 at 6:37 pm
Don,
Jeff Donner put me onto English Prime in a comment to a post of mine. Here is the link Jeff provided >>
http://www.wonderfulwritingskillsunhandbook.com/html/e-prime.html
December 20th, 2005 at 10:49 pm
Dick,
That’s great! Thanks for sharing the link.
Don