Told you so!
One of the most powerful forces in the universe is the compulsion to say, “Told you so!”
Yes, it’s not enough to be right, to enjoy the smug self-satisfaction of having your superior intellect and judgment validated once again.
No, we feel the irrepressible urge to gloat, to publicly vanquish the foolish misguidedness of another. To rub their nose in their folly until it chafes.
Funny thing about, “Told you so!” In direct proportion to the extent of your wallowing in your little triumph you extract an equal or greater amount of humiliation, anger or resentment from the person you supposedly wanted to spare whatever misfortune has now befallen them. Truely, insult to injury.
By shouting, “Told you so!,” you may even score the hat trick of emotional retribution — simultaneously instigating another’s humiliation, anger and resentment with one little three-word utterance.
Do you want to hurt your loved one/friend/associate? Surely, you don’t. (You don’t, right?)
Told you so is an act of aggression. It serves no purpose but to assert your imagined supremacy over another. It almost always comes across as an abuse of power because the affect that little declaration has is almost always magnified beyond what you intended (even when you did intend to inflict a little pain).
You may even score
the hat trick of
emotional retribution — simultaneously instigating humiliation, anger and resentment with one little three-word utterance.Besides, isn’t it almost always the case that the other person knows as well as you do that you were right? I’m ashamed to admit that many times I replied to someone who just said to me, “Well, you were right,” with, “Told you so!” Man, that is pathetic.
And still, I must regrettably admit, even in the face of knowing that, I struggle to force back that delicious impulse to remind everyone within earshot of my unrighteous rightness. But I am committed to swallowing those terrible words. I am!
When you feel that commanding urge to blurt, Told you so!, muster all the presence of mind you possibly can. Before making a sound, first ask yourself: What is my intent in proclaiming my correctness? Isn’t that a hollow, shallow victory? Isn’t it enough to know that I was right — this time?
Instead of declaring yourself right (again!), reach deep down and pull out some compassion. Say nothing of yourself. Instead focus on the feelings of the other person and share a little empathy, “It’s too bad things turned out that way. How are you feeling?”
Try this. And let me know how things work out for you. If they go well, I promise I won’t say…
Explore posts in the same categories: Mindset, Relationships